Closure

It’s been a busy week. I’ve just finished a shift rotation and the last two are night shifts. I work for 12hrs so as wifey comes home I go out and as I get home and fall into bed the family are all getting up and going out. I’ve seen the girls but have barely seen the little man at all. I get him all to myself tomorrow.

I spoke briefly with wifey this morning before falling into bed. She is away on business tonight. We decided to have a night away on Friday so tomorrow I will collect the kids after school and head off to a hotel and meet up with her.

The phone rang whilst I was sleeping this morning. I ignored it but a quick check confirmed that it was a call I’ve been expecting. It was the Vet. Moss has been cremated and his ashes are now back and ready for collection.

It’s been an unusual time since letting him go on the 27th. The Wedding Presents blog was cathartic for me. A means of getting my thoughts up and out. To share them and not allow myself to wallow in self pity. I had a lot to be grateful for in the time we had together. The response from so many people to the blog and the warm messages on twitter were overwhelming and much more than I expected. Thank you to you all.

I traded some messages with a twitter friend Peter. He’d read my blog and like many of you had tears rolling down his cheeks. I replied to him; “I’m happy. Tearful but happy. He was brill.” Peter replied;

That’s an amazing way to look at it. Celebrate his life

I many ways I was happy. To let him go was a hard decision but once made everything else then made sense. It was something I could do for him and to be there with him was wonderful.

I can sit and type this, or read through the Wedding Presents blog or just look where his bed used to be and get emotional. I have caught myself going to pat him on the head as I walk out of the door for early shifts and I’ve walked through the door or come downstairs wondering what mess I’m going to find. On Tuesday I visited a Cotswold branch. Whilst walking from the car park I  passed a pet shop and thought I’d get something for him as a treat… it stopped me in my tracks.

Yet the emotion in many regards is happy. Tears of joy. He brought me and the family a lot of happiness and those memories will abide forever. He creeps up on me and catches me unawares every now and again but I can forgive him that.

Those of you who are regulars to my blog will also now of my other blog about wifey’s dog. Losing a Friend. Bod was cremated too. We are not ones to have a fancy urn and place it on the fireplace with a plaque. Awful as it may sound Bod has been sat on top of the tumble drier in the garage since he came back home.

I’m sure some people find comfort in knowing that the dust in the canister on the side is their loved pet… or husband/wife!! To us it is just dust. Moss and Bod are gone. Their spirit left us whilst on the floor with me in the vets consultation room. What they left behind was their overcoats.

My faith brings me to this conclusion. I believe in the spirit of the person/animal and it is this that passes on. We leave the clothes, (our flesh, bones and blood) that have housed our spirit behind when we leave. So whilst Bod has been sat in the garage for far too long I don’t feel bad about it.

So tomorrow I will be driving over to a posh hotel and hopefully will have dinner with wifey whilst the girls play and littlest snores. I will take Moss’s and Boddington’s ashes with me. On Saturday we will no doubt have a big hearty breakfast and then head of for the day before returning home later in the evening.

Part of the day will be spent on a quiet beach. The sand is glorious and the beach is bounded by the sea on one side and dunes on the other. The tide can go out a long way and we have spent hours as a couple and as a family on this beach with the chaps. Labradors LOVE beaches and this really was their favourite place. Charging around, chasing sticks and jumping around in the tide. Doggy heaven. We will scatter the ashes. This is where my first Lab was also scatttered.

Will I be sad? I’ll no doubt get emotional but again I think I will be remembering all the fun we have had at that location with all the dogs. The scattering of the ashes is letting him go. It’s the final act of closure allowing that last chance of physical contact to pass to the spiritual and the memories that will remain forever. It’s a chance to do something as a family and for the girls to learn an important life lesson about love and loss.

Yes I miss him. I miss them all but life goes on and I am glad that my life has been blessed by the love, companionship and enjoyment that all my dogs have brought.

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5 thoughts on “Closure”

  1. Yes , their spirits are around you and your family ; they can see and hear you even though you can’t see them . God bless .

  2. another beautiful blog…I know the feelings well after 2yrs I still miss Bryn so much despite having Cian still. I did not have the ashes back I found my relief in planting something… We all grieve and celebrate life in our own ways I hope your weekend is both a celebration and a time to remember…
    Wonder how long before puppy thoughts surface again? Xx

  3. just read this and quite strange as I keep my dog’s Toby ashes still in a lovely ceramic container , i looked at it the other day as it sits in the corner of my bedroom and thought of you and Moss. Keep thinking now 7 yrs later why dont I do what your doing and take them to his favourite walk but somehow carnt bring myself to do it.

    Hope it is a nice day even if its cold and bright its just how dogs love it and a fitting way to celebrate the good times.with your dogs.

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